I know that a bit back, I posted that I needed to start blogging again. Not REblogging, but blogging.. expressing my innermost thoughts, venting, sharing my opinion, and confessing my feelings. To be honest, I have been doing this. I just haven’t been publishing them publicly.
In my few attempts to actually write a post that I was compelled to share.. I couldn’t muster up enough courage to hit “create post”. I was too afraid to let it all out, to let others see the struggle I have been dealing with.
In relation to this, some may say, “Why don’t you just keep writing a secret blog? Why share them publicly?”. Well, I have always felt that the Lord puts me, and everyone else, through situations for a greater purpose (Romans 8:28). What I am experiencing may be exactly what someone else is/will feel(ing) (2 Corinthians 1: 3-5). By sharing my struggle and the comfort I found in God, then they too can be comforted. I recently relearned this as I was talking to a good friend this past Thanksgiving break.. she shared with me that this “season” I am going through is common in most Christians. So, after hearing this from her, I felt even more convicted to share this struggle.. to be transparent.
Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love. Ephesians 4:15-16
We are supposed to be part of HIS body. How can we work as ONE if I, as one piece, am crumbling? This is why we must, as brothers and sisters, be transparent. It goes on to say,
Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Ephesians 4:25
Let us “speak the truth” with each other because we are in the same body! Conviction.
So yes, I felt dry. I feel alone. I feel like I am pulling farther and farther away from God even though He keeps walking towards me with every step I draw back. I see the negative in things instead of the positive. I am trying to steal my life away from God’s hands.. even though when I told Him I am going to follow Him, I put my life in His hands. I am waiting to be rescued by people of this world and not by my Savior.
Lord, you know the reason that I’m in this season.. I. Don’t. Help me, Father, to stop trying to make sense of it all.. but to simply just trust You. Help me to come back to You fully. Thank You that these past few days have been amazing.. thank You for reaching Your hand out to me. I pray that I would continue to run to You and You only.
“I just ran out of bandaids. I don’t even know where to start.”
